oe's blog

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Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a movement. A slight shift amongst the tree trunks. I stopped listening closely for footsteps, breathing, or a voice. Nothing. I pulled my cloak closer to my chest. I was far from anything human. The tales of this forest were known far and wide. For creatures not known to man. I took another step. More movement. I said nothing. I just kept moving. As I pushed myself through the moss covered forest floor, I swear I could hear the trees whisper.

            The light cast was turning from green to blue as I moved further into the forest. The trees were getting older and the moss getting softer. I could hear the breathing of a thousand voices encircle me. The trees could breathe. They began to whisper again.

            “Do not fear me, dear trees” I whispered back, looking up at them. “I dare not disturb your peace.” I turned back to my path, but gasped in surprise. I was not alone.

            There stood a young creature. I would say man for he possessed the form that was known to belong to a human, but he was not human. Dressed all in blue. The same blue as the light. He was tall. Taller than any man that I had beheld with my eyes. Long white sliver hair played his face. His skin was white and without flaw. His face was that of only legends. Perfect. As I gazed at it, I knew that there was no such beauty. His eyes were on my feet. They snapped up to my face. Blue. The same blue as his clothing and the light. His eyes were wide as they gazed at me.

            “Human.” His voice was shocking. There were no words to describe its perfection as it slide over that word. Making it sound glorious, even though it was meant to sound horrid. He took a step closer to me. His movement was so swift and graceful that it was like he was under water. “How dare you step into this forest.” He took another seamless step. “Why have you treaded upon this land, fair child?”

            “Fleeing.” I answered him. Child? I daresay he looked not more than three years older than myself. Hardly enough old enough to call me child.

            “Fleeing into this forest?” He let out a small laugh, which made my back tingle. He took another step closer. His body was close enough to mine that I would only have to move a finger and I could touch him. “Insanity! Dear child, coming into this forest means death towards any human.”

            “This is what I seek.” I whispered. The trees began their whispering again once I had said this. The creature whispered something in a tongue that I had never heard and the trees ceased their chatter.

            “Do you have a name, young human?” He looked deep into my eyes. My throat went dry. He was looking so intently at me that I almost forgot who I was. “Or has humanity stroke you dumb?” He asked after a few seconds.

            “Kiena of Ludiea.” I answered him, removing my gaze for fear of him reading my thoughts.

            “What could be you be fleeing that would be worth death?” He touched my chin and forced my gaze back up. His skin was like silk as it brushed my chin. He quickly removed his hand. “You are a child of nobility.” He said before I could answer his question. “This means you have no displeasure.”

            “Nobility, yes. No displeasure, I fear that is not the case, creature of the forest.” I answered him. He laughed loudly. It rang throughout the trees. It was everywhere. It crawled under my skin and chilled me.

            “Creature? Leave it to a human to not know an elf when they see one.” Elf. This was the creature of the myths. Eternal beings. All the myths I had been told as a child were things of fact, not of fiction. Now I understood why he called me child. He could be older than my whole family line.

            “Then elf. Do you have a name?” I asked pulling my hood down. His eyes widened and grew a shade darker. His smile from his laugh disappeared.

            “Amras Falassion of Taurnil, son of Caranthir Falassion.” He bowed his head. “At your service.” He took a step away from me. I was immediately cold. “Kiena, you are too fair to die in this forest.” He went down on one knee like he was the peasant and I were the queen. “Please, turn back and pretend you did not fall upon me in this forest.” He stood up and began to walk away.

            “Wait, Amras Falassion of Taurnil.” I whispered to him. He stopped and turned his now light eyes back on me.

            “Yes, child?”

            “What if I do no go back?” I challenged him. His eyes turned dark again.

            “Then I must do this.” He took three fast steps towards me; I could not take a step back fast enough. He bent down and pressed his lips to mine. It felt like he took awake every breath that had ever escaped my lips. My eyes closed for they had become so heavy. His arm strong on my lower back. I lost all senses, expect for the feeling of his lips pulling my breath. Then even that feeling faded and I was lost in blue behind my eyelids. No sense of time. It could have been years for all I knew. I floated on that sea of blue.

            Then I snapped my eyes open. It was dark. I was sprawled on the ground covered in moss. The trees were whispering again. I sat up. I was alone.

New blog. I will keep this one up. This more a way to communicate with my friends. this new one is more dedicated to my writing, reading, and music. Kinda serious so check it out if you want. I'll blog on this one.
http://lineofinsanity.blogspot.com/

So haven't blogged on a few days. I thought I would just blog. Talk about things that come to mind in tune to an Amanda Palmer song called Astronaut. I'll post a link to the amazing video at the end. Watch it. Listen to this song. Its a beautiful song by a beautiful person. I'm just musing really. I dont know if any of this is true for me. I'm just typing and not thinking.

is it enough to have some love
small enough to slip inside a book
small enough to cover with your hand
because everyone around you wants to look

Everyone wants to see love. What if your love is something you want no one to see? Would you compact it so it can be shoved away. Hidden because if people saw it it wouldn't be the same. If its in the palm of your hand its there pulsing and then there is no need to show the world.

is it enough to have some love
small enough to slip inside the cracks
the pieces don’t fit together so good
with all the breaking and all the gluing back

As this love is compacted and hidden and slide between the cracks of your mind. Cracks that didn't used to be there. Cracks from hiding and hurting. Everything that you thought you were had been shattered and been mended. Over and Over and Over and Over. Until it isn't the same as it used to be. It doesn't even look the same.

and i am still not getting what i want
i want to touch the back of your right arm
i wish you could remind me who i was
because every day i’m a little further off

You look at what you want and what you have become. They don't match up. You are that broken and mended and broken and mended person. You aren't the solid being that you used to be. You just want to be able to show that love hidden in your palm. You want to touch the back of their arm. You wish that with them their everything would just makes sense again because everyday hiding, shoving, and loving is making the cracks bigger. Everyday I'm a little further off.

but you are, my love, the astronaut
flying in the face of science
i will gladly stay an afterthought
just bring back some nice reminders

Love isn't rational like science. I would rather spend forever as an afterthought. At least a thought of me comes. Just after everything else. At least its there. I get my own after thought.

and is it getting harder to pretend
that life goes on without you in the wake
and can you see the means without the end
in the random frantic action that we take

Its hard to imagine life without you in these thoughts. You are there. How can life go on without you sitting there in the depths of my mind. Can you see that love? Can you even understand there is no end to it even though everything we do is messed up and random. They are without end. They have meaning. Why must they end?

and is it getting easy not to care
despite the many rings around your name
it isn’t funny and it isn’t fair
you’ve traveled all this way and it’s the same

but you are, my love, the astronaut
flying in the face of science
i will gladly stay an afterthought
just bring back some nice reminders

i would tell them anything to see you split the evening
but as you see i do not have an awful lot to tell
everybody’s sick for something that they can find fascinating
everyone but you
and even you aren’t feeling well

but you are, my love, the astronaut
flying in the face of science
i will gladly stay an afterthought

but you are, my love, the astronaut
flying in the face of science
i will gladly stay an afterthought
just bring back some nice reminders

YES you are, my love, the astronaut
crashing in the name of science
just my luck they sent your upper half
it’s a very nice reminder
it’s a very nice reminder

(and you may be acquainted with the night
but i have seen the darkness in the day
and you must know it is a terrifying sight
because you and i are living the same way)


I love Amanda Palmer. I highly suggest you listen to this song. It is my favorite on the album. It just speaks to me. I don't really understand why, but it just does. What I love about Amanda is she makes sure to show the world she is human. I read her blogs. I watch the videos she puts up. She just wants to be human. She lets her fans be a huge part of her life. It makes me and I'm sure many people feel extremely connected with her even if they have only see her on stage or listened to her music. I respect this so much. I mean we can all think of musicians or authors or whom ever where they almost don't seem real because the are so 2-D to the fans. Amanda is not like this. She is in love with the fans just as much as they are in with her. I also think this open mentality rubs off onto her fans. I went to the concert in Philly in November. I was just chatting with people while freezing outside in the cold. Everyone had their arms around each other during Global Warming by Vermilion Lies. Then Amanda talks to the crowd, answers their questions, sings without a mic, and stays after the concert and signs and hugs and kisses until there is no one left waiting. Then the Danger Ensemble though very surreal they come in amongst the crowd, perform in the middle of the floor, and take money in boots. Everything is just so real, so beautiful, and so human. So Amanda feel our love because we feel yours.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOF4A1cL89Q

So Miranda is currently putting up Amanda Palmer pictures! so I will tell you about my lovely AFP concert experience.

So first of all. I had my mom do my makeup.




Then we drove all the way to Philly! Heres the sign.



We ate and stood out in the cold where these people brought out this insane puppet. They were running around and squawking it was really funny.



So we get in and we are literally 6 feet away from the stage. So awesome.
Then this guy steven comes out and tells us Amanda Palmer is dead. which for those of you who dont know the name of her album is Who Killed Amanda Palmer. Then he brought Vermilion Lies out. which is a sister group and they are really funny and awesome.


Steven ^









The next group was called The Butchers and the Builders. They were very very good.












Then there was a really long break in between acts. We were all pumped because Amanda was coming on next. So then our bud, Steven comes on and says that we were all mourning Amanda's death and the violin guy starts to play a sad song. Then the Danger Ensemble did like a funeral procession.







Then all of the sudden everyone is getting shoved aside and the I see there is a huge like aisle space and I glance down. There is Amanda Palmer walking down the middle of the crowd in a veil. She is like a foot away from me and Miranda. We were like freaking. Then the Danger Ensemble lifts her on the stage and puts her behind the piano.











Then she launched right into a song. So amazing.

Amanda Palmer was amazing. more about it once I get pictures from Miranda.

these are in no real order. just an fyi. These also change a lot. So as of now these are my top ten. This was really hard. I couldnt get it down to the top ten. so i just went until I couldnt think of any more.

Deadwing- Porcupine Tree

Aqualung- Jethro Tull

Little Earthquakes-Tori Amos

Curel Sun-Rusted Root

Let Live and Let Ghost-Jukebox the Ghost

Life in Cartoon Motion- Mika

Requiem Mezzo Forte- Virgin Black

The Downward Spiral - Nine Inch Nails

Stellastarr*- Stellastarr*

Who Killed Amanda Palmer- Amanda Palmer

( )- Sigur Ros

Lateralus - Tool

Afterglow- Sarah Mclachlan

American Idiot- Green Day

Ashes Against the Grain- Agalloch

Blackfield II- Blackfield

Yes...Vigirina= The Dresden Dolls

Gladiator Soundtrack

Gypsy Punks : Underdog World Strike- Gogol Bordello

The Fragile - Nine Inch Nails

Sink or Swim - The Gaslight Anthem
(though i have heard the 59 sound is better. i just have it. )

So if you have been keeping up with the news you might have heard about those people who painted the Obama poster on their field in their backyard. Well, my parents are good friends with the couple who did this. Their names are Jim and Hilary. Both are awesome artists. I don't know where they got the idea, but I think its really cool. I went to see it today. Its getting some great publicity. Its really impressive. They gridded out the thing on a printed out verison of the poster. Each square was ten feet on the actual field. So basically anyone who took art one at my school and we had to do that transfer grid project. Its basically like that only on a huge scale! Jim is making a blog about it. As soon as I get the link I'll put up. So here are some pictures.

So just returned from a contra dance. It wasn't a great one. Our buds, Chris and Rob weren't there. Leaving me and Hilary alone with people who are all 20 years older than us. There was only one other young person he was a nephew of one of the main guys. His name was Nathan. He was adorable. I was a pretty big flirt but no surprise there. I need to get it out some how. He was waltzing with me and he was waltzing like Mr. Mccleary and that kinda upset me for a bit. So I forced myself to think of something else. Then who did I think about? Him of course. I was like...what would it be like for this to be him? It hurts that there all these beautiful things around me and I'm only dwelling on him. He hasn't talked to me in a few days. I think it might be time to call. Hopefully I wont freak again. I'll try not to. Too much thinking. I just want to curl up and cry. So much stuff on my shoulders. I can't seem to escape it. Its all over powering and I'm becoming not fun to be with. My family is sensing it. Mar is very worried about me. I'm venting more and more to myself. Nothing is coming out. I go to sleep every night and have trouble sleeping because im so worried about completion project and gold award. Then that makes everything else super over powering. I just want to punch something. I want to shove this computer off the desk. I want to scream. I can't because i want to remain sane or just look like I'm sane. How can one be sane when it feels like they are living a lie?

So, I'm posting again.I have been in a posting mood. Just to talk and let it all out. Ramble on about nothing. like the reading thing i just posted that was kinda fun. So trying to think of something fun to post about. Oh I just thought of something. I'm listening to Ben Folds a song called you dont know me. Then it made me think of something on Doug's myspace. Do you ever really know a person?

I see that question as does someone look at me and see everything, know everything, and know how I am going to react to everything? Like could you say you know me completely and throughly? I dont think that I know anyone like that. I don't think I ever will. Think about people. You think you know them, but then just the littlest change and it feels like they become someone else. If you really think about it I don't think anyone truely knows themselves. We are constantly discovering who we are and things we love and what makes us tick. We are changing all the time. So if we are changing all the time how can I truely know a person? I can love someone for who they are no matter how they change. I can love a person for who they are, but will I ever truely know someone? I don't think so. I think the person that I am the closest to that truely knowing is Hilary, but do i know her 100%? no. I don't. What do you think?

So I never answered one of these things. So why not start now. I am currently reading a book called Burning Bright by Tracy Chevalier. I have been a fan of her books for a while. Its not my favorite of her books (Nothing beats Girl with a Pearl Earring), but its still really good. It was really really slow at the start, but its picking up.

How is reading important to me? hmmmm. I'm not sure. Its not like something that I think about much. Its just part of who I am. I dont know why it is important. Thats like asking people why movies are important. I think that it lets you know someone that doesn't exist. It also lets you know about the author. Me personally, I dont get into the fansty books very much. When I do read fanasty books that are very character based. I dont care about their way of describing the place they are if their characters have no depth. I dont want to read a book about a nice place. I want to read a book about characters. Thats why I love Twilight series so much. Its so not real, but it takes place in a place that is relatable to me then the characters are just to beautifully real. I know what like to read, but I dont know why I like to.

Recommendations?

Well,
Girl with a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier
Crank by Ellen Hopkins
Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
Looking for Alaska by John Green
This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khalid Hosseini

So for those of you that don't know my long term trig sub from last year Mr. McCleary, died in a motorcycle accident on Tuesday night. He ran into a utility pole and was pronounced dead at the scene. It just kinda hit me like a brick. He is no longer here on the Earth. I will never see him again. I mean not that I would anyway. Just that I can't physically see him again. Freaks me out. He never got to say goodbye to his family or his fiancé.
Like what if that were me? What if i were the one to hit that pole? If I were to die and have tons of things that I never told anyone. What if died and B didnt know how I felt. So the logical thing would be tell him so if i do die, he knows. In my mind i can't see my end...so I can't tell him. Thats not the only thing though. Just the best example i can think of. though I think that would be my main priority if i had like ten minutes to live. Most of you know how much I love you or hate you. He doesnt...

anyway enough of this morbid stuff.

so. last blog. that was happy. I was pretty happy then. Wow. Now im crashing down to hell. Where is earth? I cannot see it. Its somewhere high above my head. There are just no words that fill what is missing. my heart is like a half finished puzzle. With only one person with the remaining pieces. On;y he doesnt know that they are in his hands. I have the pieces in my hands, but they dont want to fit.

so how is everyone? well I'm half was decent. I have an ear infection in both ears! WOOO. I get meds for it. very fun. I had a pretty awesome weekend. I went rock climbing on saturday night. That was tons of fun and chill. Even though my arms KILLED afterwards. and legs too. Then on sunday I had to go to this stupid church picnic. I dont like going to it. I feel so awkward like everyone is watching to see what I'm doing. I just want to get up on the table and scream bad things. Which would be a very very very bad thing. Not for me. For my mom. They would like shun her for a demonic child. SO after that me and my dad went to the Rusted Root show in allentown. Which was awesome! the lead singer was smashed, but the show was still good. I am in love with the guy that was standing in front of me. He was a crazy amazing dancer. he made me really want to dance. It was cool. It was lots of fun.

today wasn't bad either. I was really tired, but was okay. I'm not feeling 100%. You know only half hearing and really stuffy nose. I got an email from my "friend" ahem we'll call him B and I didnt have to tell him to email me!! I played badmiton with Monica in gym. that was pretty awesome. we got our butt kicked. :-( we really wanted to play the hott kid in our class. haha. oh well. then history was as boring as ever. SAT math was the same. then I looked at my cell phone and umm I got a text. I never get text in school. So I was like oh its mom or something. Ummm no. it was from my "friend" ahem. right im calling him B. I got a text from B. I didn't text him first. he text me on his own accord. this is like big. though he told me not to text him back. which means hes still out of texts, but he just text me to see how i was doing....girlish scream. hahaha.

i say survey time. haha
1. I love...B
2. Right now I want...talk to B
3. I feel like...just being lazy.
4. I hate it when...people dont answer my emails.
5. I fear...being alone.
6. I'm lonely without...people.
7. I need...love
8. Today I...went to the ENT doctor!
9. Tomorrow I'm...going to school
10. I just...breathed
11. I want to meet...B again
12. I'm hungry for...chicken
13. I love it when...B takes a moment to talk to me.
14. I'm afraid of...losing people.
15. I'm listening to...Vampire Weekend
16. I'm wearing...loneliness
17. I wish I was in...Maryland.
18. I'm craving...chicken
19. I want to get...away
20. I can...think
21. I can't...act.
22. I have...danced with strangers.
23. I haven't...got him to open up.
24. I'm nervous to...be involved.
25. My Mom thinks I'm...a bit crazy.
26. My Dad thinks I'm...pretty much wacked.
27. I think...very lost.
28. I'm happy when...I hear from B or am around my friends.
29. I'm sad when...i am alone.
30. I like eating...happiness
31. I hate eating...sadness.
32. I love watching...other people
33. I love listening to...my music.
34. I like playing...with my mind.
35. I hate waking up to...nothing.
36. I can see...a lot more of myself.
37. I'm glad that...he took a bit of time to think of me.
38. I'm disappointed that...i cant tell him.
39. I look like...a sick person.
40. I wish I looked like...me.

yeah. false fronts. arent they great? I miss him. too much. its really eating me. I can't remember. that eats just as much? how can one love something that isnt a physical being to them anymore.

so my blog. not sure what im going to talk about. I'm sick again. My ear is acting up. I cant hear out of it again, but now i have total congestion. My head feels somewhat balloon like. Its rather funny and yet not funny at all. its kinda lame.

OH. The Dresden Dolls are broken up. This pretty much screws up my life. So I feel like i have to change my little picture thing. Though I know that I don't have to. I'm just really sad about it. They seemed really really tight. I guess even the best things must come to an end.

Yesterday was pretty fun. Kim and Monica crashed our girl scout campfire thing. I was glad. Something to keep my mind off the 100 little girls there and how sick i was feeling. Hilary wouldnt let me sit down even though i was pretty much dying. Rather mean. She actually yelled at me. Then we went to Starbucks and chilled. That was pretty fun too.

So writing. I have been writing like an insane person. I think i have talked about this. Keiran just makes sense to me right now. He seems angry and just brooding, but get past that hard exterior and there is something to love. There is a person that has lost so much faith in the world that he isnt sure what is up and what is down. He just goes through everyday thinking it will get better when he gets out. What he doesnt see is the people around him just waiting to fill that empty void in his soul. Its all just lost right now. People just don't see the true him. Ever. No one has ever told him that they loved him or that he was needed in their life. How can he deal with that? I know how. He only confides to himself. He lives in a bubble that is only occupied by himself. He can't let anyone because he doesn't know how. No one has sat down and said "I need you, Keiran Lestwick." I don't think he understands what those words mean. What is needing a person? Why would anyone ever need him? He isnt anything. NO. He is. He is everything. He just can't see what he means. I will make him open his eyes. I will give him that push to see the people around him. I will make him open up. I wish I could do this for others. I wish I could just write that step for them.

I can't see him anymore. He is fading into a memory. I really can't let it fall to this. I have to find a way. Any way. but how?

I am just going to give you some of my favorite parts of songs and tell you what they mean to me and what I think about them. etc. Just my views not what the song is acutally about.

How to sink and how to fly,
We learned to watch each other die
My God, this course is harder than we-
Thought we had learned enough ways to love,
Still I don't know mother where we are.
We thought we were walking the way to love.

Ways to Love by Jason Webley

I just find that powerful. Listen to the song. its even more powerful. Its like you can learn everything. Learn to love. Learn to fly. Learn to watch each other die. You can learn how to do this things, but it doesnt make them make sense. Its doesn't make hurt any less when you fall or you lose the one you love the most. The pain is still there. As you try to protect or let other protect you from these things or teach you about them. You begin to lose sense of who you are or how to even feel. You think you are on the way to love, but who are you? if you dont know you. How can you love?

I can feel you breathing under my skin,
Yeah I can feel you breathing under my skin,
And each breath you take is a brand new begin,
Each breath your take, brand new begin(ning),
(Eng)land has a way of getting under my skin,
And my family has a way of getting under my skin,
And my family had a castle way back when,
I would have lived there if they had more male children
To fill my heart with music.

Oh no, not a chance in hell,
Yeah I've heard you sing but it ain't too well.
Heartfelt, yeah you meant so well,
But your song's no good 'round here.

I don't think there is anyone under your skin,
Like a Cheshire cat I think you're just a grin,
And I can feel you laughing, under my skin,
And the happy palpitations are making me... grin.

You know it fills my heart with music...

Under my Skin by Jukebox the Ghost

I didn't used to love this song, but when I really thought about it. I did. I thought it was a hate song at first. like I feel you under my skin, but you SUCK. then I really looked at it. Its more like yeah. I have things under my skin, but you keep singing these songs and talking about things that mean something, but what the hell do you know about things under ur skin? If I keep lying about you and saying you dont fill my heart with music with ur attempts to show the world that you are heart felt. So I can get under your skin. I really love the line Like a Cheshire cat I think you're just a grin. You just a grin that turns to a laugh, that turns into happy things. That little grin makes my heart fill with music. Each breath is a new start for me. Its really hard to think about, but its like. You are under my skin, when I can I get under yours?


It's all right, man.
I'm only bleeding, man.
Stay hungry, stay free,
And do the best you can.

We're getting a divorce, You keep the diner by The Gaslight Anthem

I just love this section. Not even sure why. But its like. You know you hurt me. Fine. Its okay. I'm only bleeding my heart out, but dont stop. just keep going. Dont get caught up in things and just do the best you can. I'm fine. I just want to scream it.

I'm sure I have more, but I really can't focus at this moment. Too much.

I haven't posted in a while. My life got pretty stressful because of school and stuff. Today wasn't the best day. I woke up really upset because of something I did last night. then my mom and I started yelling at each other. I came to school really wanting to talk to Hilary and I get to homeroom and she leaves. It wasn't her fault or anything. I'm just so stressed out about everything. this gold award stuff is really stressful. I was on the verge of tears about five times today. It just came on like insanely at once. I had to control myself. well execpt during flex. I started to cry. Everything is too much at once. I think that I will be able to get over it. I just need to take this one day at a time. Sometimes its hard to get up and find a purpose to that day. Whats weird is I love to help people with their problems, but I am having trouble with my own. Life is just really completicated. People arent getting along with other people. Some people think they are more stressed than I am and want to prove it. Look I dont fucking care if you are more stressed that I am. Im not the one dealing with ur stress, I have to deal with mine.

what will tomorrow bring? hopefully a better day. I would like that. i just finished my 3rd glass of water in ten minutes. i dunno. i just had a mini cupcake. it was pretty good.

I really like the journal I started. I say a lot of things that are in my head that need to get out. sigh. its weird still because i want to show people, but i know i cant.

maybe tomorrow will bring me a cookie. i like cookies.

So I have an ear infection! I should be better by the end of next week, which is good because I am going to Mansfield! yay!

I missed school yesterday and I went to the doctor got my meds and got a doughnut that was really craving. Umm what else did I do yesterday? Not much. Watched Will and Grace for like 3 hours, then a german movie that was really weird but really good. So I am now addicted to the channel IFC. They play indie films. I love it. They also play The Whitest Kids You Know. I have the recording to my DVR. Yeah be jealous.

I am also addicted to an anime series called Vampire Knight. It not like an amazing series, but it's plot is getting better and better. Its about vampires and thats enough for me. The guys are really hott too. It gets a little Twilight like, but its also totally different. I'm not telling any of you to watch it because i know you guy dont like anime. I hate how anime is looked down upon by Americans. Its just the series they choose to play on tv are stupid and really annyoing. So if you are going to judge anime watch the right series first.

I havent call "stupid boy" yet. I can't hear very well so I have been avoiding the phone all together. Once this stupid ringing my ears stop, I'll make some phone calls.

I need to call my goal award advisor because I need to figure out more details about my project. Like where, when, how, where am i going to get the money. I have to get it in by the 15th. yeah. I need to get my butt into gear.

So Amanda Palmer's new album is out. Its amazing. I really really want it. its like the dresden dolls, but with a definate Amanda Palmer twist. Its brilliant. I am just listening to the songs that she has on her myspace.

My ear really hurts for some reason. Its like it needs to pop, but is just throbbing. Its not fun.

So I am going to spend this moment to talk about my daddy. lol sappy, but I dunno. I seriously dont know what I would do without him. We are attached to each other. We talk about music and life and school and a lot of things. When I go to college, I dont know what Im going to do. I'm going to miss him a lot. Its hard to describe it. Most times it doesnt feel like he is my dad because he hardly yells at me. I dunno. I was just thinking about it. Randomness.

I have been having issues with writing. I can write poetry (some of it better than others lol) but my stories are kinda suffering. I really need to send in my second book submission. Keep that going because the next one takes 6 months to respond.

The book I am working on now is going well, because I used to think I was a lot closer to Samantha, but now I'm feeling a little more close to Keiran. I guess its just been my view on life lately. Basically if the two characters would have a love child, it would be me. it really depends on the day. Some days I'm hating the world and some days I just want the world to stop and look at me for two seconds. Also these people are very lonely people. I feel lonely a lot. I relate to them more and more and more. You want to know something weird? I used some of Bobby's personality in Kerian. Like the not really caring part and not 100% in tune with the rest of the world. Minus the hating part.

OW. my ear is THROBBING and i cant hear out of it. at all. geeeezzzz.

I might post later. so peace out.

so I hope all you blog goers are digging me new layout. I thought i needed a change. OH OH and my dad got a blog! its exciting. only he talks about headphones and the connections between Karutrock and P-Tree. So Steve check it out!!

Well I'm going to be a geek and talk about some music. So right now I'm listening to mika, but am soon going to change it. I'm thinking Gaslight Anthem. I saw them live, for those of you who dont know. They were freaking amazing. I'm now listening to them very loud. Its really awesome. I need the other album really badly. What else have I been listening to a lot...Gogol Bordello. I love them nothing beats them. Jukebox the Ghost. I have been shoving that band on everyone and not many people love them. Which i guess I just dont understand. Ummm Amanda Palmer came out with a new album and I was listening to tracks from it. DUDE I WANT IT. It is really really good. She is a genius. love love her. I'm talking like a teenager now. oh god.

So I'm running out of things to talk about, but I think I am just going to give out suggestions for things.

tv show suggestions

Top Gear. (of course)
The Whitest Kids you know. (Umm everyone with a good sense of humor should watch this show.)


Movie Suggestions

Across the Universe
Little Miss Sunshine

Book suggestions

Crank by Ellen Hopkins
The Book Thief by Markus Zuskak.